Crucial Conversations

Grenny et. al. (2021) boldly claim that the root cause of most human problems is how they behave when disagreements arise from high-stakes, emotional issues. Communication in the workplace is no exception. There have been many times I disagreed with someone on my team but didn't know how to approach them in a way that would not lead to conflict. Using the principles shared in Crucial Conversations can lead to a culture of intellectual and emotional honesty where environments are inclusive and supportive (Grenny et al., 2021). Being a leader on my campus in piloting a Blended Learning Initiative and then planning to share my progress and plans with my team will require that I know how to have productive conversations with my colleagues. Following the suggested path laid out in Crucial Conversations will help lead the way as leaders should demonstrate emotional control, self-awareness, and effective communication.

Start with Heart

I am the type of person who welcomes change and always looks for ways to improve. I often get excited about new initiatives and getting others to join me when they are set in their ways can present a challenge. Before presenting a crucial conversation with another, Grenny et al. (2021) say that we must work on ourselves first before going to others. We must understand what our behavior says about our motives. When getting ready to share implementing a blended learning model in our classrooms, I must truly understand what my motive is and let that lead the way. Being able to focus on what I really want for the outcome will ensure that I stay motivated to behave in a way that supports that outcome.

Master My Stories

Heated and emotional conversations can often turn into a situation which leads to anger. We have all been guilty of possibly saying things we didn't mean to someone we didn't agree with simply out of anger. Being able to control your emotions is a trait all leaders should carry. When we see or hear something, we quickly feel then act. However, there is a story that we often create that enables us to feel and act a certain way (Grenny et. al., 2021). I think of this as filling in the blanks. We can sometimes assume or make up details about another person that fill in the blanks for us when the story we created may not be their intention. In order to maintain emotional control, I must be a master at creating a DIFFERENT story where I may not be misinterpreting my opponents motives. Being able to successfully master your stories actually takes a lot of reflecting and being able to ask and identify what is it that's really causing you to feel a certain way.

Learn to Look

Mastering crucial conversations means we are constantly evaluating our emotions and our actions, but we also need to watch for the responses of those engaging in conversation with us. Grenny et al. (2021) tells us that people gifted in dialogue are aware when interactions begin to go unsafe. When others begin to feel unsafe in a situation, they often begin to go silent or react in violence by turning controlling, use labeling, or begin attacking.

Make it Safe

When we learn to build safer interactions, we can accomplish more since we can talk about anything. When a conversation begins to go unsafe, it tends to be because the other party feels we have a bad intent toward them or they have misunderstood our good intent (Grenny et al., 2021). Being in conversations at work can sometimes leave people feeling that by suggesting a new initiative, they must be doing something wrong. In this case, we must stop and leave the interaction and go back to Start With the Heart. It will also be important that the person you are conversing with understands that you care about their concerns and them. Validating their concerns and your respect in them can help build safety so that you can continue the conversation.

State My Path

Finally it is time to share our message. How do we do this without risking safety? Using confidence, humility, and skill can ensure a productive conversation (Grenny et al., 2021). This might look like seeing a teacher who's data shows the growth of his or her students is not where it should be. Being able to approach this teacher with the confidence to say what needs to be said without offending is a skill that should be practiced. Having this confidence comes with humility. Although this sounds contradictory, I would need to have the confidence to approach this teacher, but still be available to listen to feedback and valuable input. I would share how blended learning can promote growth in students, but also receive the input from the teacher I am speaking with. Lastly, the skill comes with practicing these guidelines. In order to get better, we need to walk the walk and repeat crucial conversations with these practices.

Explore Others' Paths

Sharing your path can leave others feeling a lack of control in difficult situation. If I am sharing my path and being met with resistance, I should look at how I can share control. Promoting safety can look like allowing the other person in our conversation to share their path as well (Grenny et al., 2021). Perhaps the teacher I am approaching does not like the idea of blended learning. Opening a conversation about what obstacles may exist, can lead to a place where this person gets to provide their input toward solutions where we can create a mutual path. An easy way to remember to show interest in their feelings is to ask, mirror, and paraphrase.

• Ask- ask about their views

• Mirror- acknowledge emotions

• Paraphrase- restate what has been shared to show your understanding

Move to Action

After all of the dialogue, there needs to be action. How do we move from dialogue to actually making something happen? Making decisions to act can be acted on with these four methods:

Command- turning the choice over to someone who is trusted to act

Consult- including others opinions and views to help make a a decision to act

Vote- can be used when there are multiple reasonable options

Consensus- unity is shown when the discussion goes on until all parties agree

When keeping the principles of engaging in crucial conversations at the center of your mind, unity and changes can be made to lead organizations forward. By keeping my motives at the forefront, keeping a safe environment, mastering my stories, stating my path while exploring the path of others, and moving to action, I believe my team can move forward in elevating reading instruction and literacy for all of our students.

References

Grenny, J., Patterson, K., McMillan, R., Switzler, A., & Gregory, E. (2021). Crucial

conversations. Tools for talking when stakes are high. (2nd ed.). McGraw-Hill

Education.